watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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