RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Randomize
