If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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