So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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