the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
