Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
