It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
