we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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