The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
