I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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