just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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