grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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