Can Purell be used as lube?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
