The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
