If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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