Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
