Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
