Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
