He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
