Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
