omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
