she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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