Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
