I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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