next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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