after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
