He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
