there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
