SEEEEXXX PLEASE
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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