I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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