i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
