i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
