we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
