yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
