The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
