dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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