You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
dude. I can hear the air.
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