dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
