im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
