So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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