I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
