Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
