This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
