I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
