Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Terrible idea I love it
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
