He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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