At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
