Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
