You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
