I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
