when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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