Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
