Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
