ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
