the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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