waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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