My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
