I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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