She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
