Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
