hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
